resiniquity:

isitthattimealready:

today at work a customer’s card didn’t go through so I asked them to try again and it worked that time and I mixed up saying “there we go” and “there it goes” and I ended up saying “there we goes" and I just

why is this so funny i almost pissed myself laughing for the better part of 5 minutes

turing-tested:

m86:

turing-tested:

self care is putting yourself to bed on a regular schedule because it’s the base treatment for mood disorders

there’s no twist or anything it’s just really really good for u to sleep at consistent times

me reading this at 5am:

me, reading my own post at 5am:

curface:

purkinjebastard:

purkinjebastard:

Y’all I finally got my Meds refilled (fucking Walgreens) and I’m feeling super inspired. I’m gonna bedazzle a machete stay tuned

SIDE ONE DONE. I use E6000 glue so I’m gonna let it cure for a few hours, maybe overnight before I do the other side.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A HYPERBOLE

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

feynites:

venterry:

me, starting a new game: i’m gonna be evil this time

me, 5 minutes into said game: Being Mean Is Not Nice

me, after failing to be evil: i’m gonna look up the youtube videos of that playthrough instead

me, looking at the videos: i can’t watch this

imogenefields:

textpots:

shout out to people who write answers in the text books